my encounter with deafness
once in a while, i am asked whether i was deaf from birth, or it is a recent development.
the truth is, even i am unaware of when it all started and when i first realized that i have a problem listening to what people are saying.
my family members used to think that i was notorious and i pretended not to hear. i was treated normally as a child, growing up i thought everyone had a problem listening and average people have low hearing from their right ear.
(i have 45db loss on the left ear and ~ 100db loss on the right ear) just to make a sense of it, i cannot hear even a train horn from my right ear.
my first encounter with deafness was after changing schools in class 11. the teacher would speak slow, and dictate his class notes. i would have a hard time following up on the contents, missing out on paragraphs, and important remarks. these incidents, for the first time, made me aware of my limitations.
a year later i got my first hearing aids. i was almost 18. the hearing aid would cause me anxiety, and headaches, and i lost my ability to focus. after a while, i stopped using them but had to wear them occasionally.
in college, during the first year, i faced the same problem, not being able to hear clearly with my aids, anxiety, and ear pain. all these problems caught me bare naked. in my second year, the accessibility department issued me new hearing aids with slightly better tech but it did not do the job either.
(i would say this escalated me towards season depression as well)
the problem with modern hearing aids is a technology problem. the technology isn't developed well enough that can help you ride all the waves at a time. it just exists as a remedial solution but does not fix the gaps.
how am I doing now? i don't use hearing aids anymore. i don't interact with people much, miss morning classes, my gf would take care of my communication requirements when we go out together. friends know i have hearing problem so they come close to me before speaking, sit on my left side, speak loudly.
i am still learning to make peace with this lifestyle, with flaws and discomforts.